I. THE CUSTODIAN
You ensured every misogynist received an immediate, unequivocal and permanent kerpow.
Assiduously, you showed women how to dismantle stinky autocracies, bozo by bozo.
Nutty dribblings like “My husband, brother, father, favourite rockstar, etc isn’t like that!” you wiped.
You decluttered the crude, creepy and criminally insane, acting quickly to redecorate.
Diana Rigg as Emma Peel in BBC’s The Avengers, London, ca. 1965.
II. THE MATHURINE
Why let men exploit their whiffy patriarchal paradigms? Far better to cite women’s knowhow.
You relish your facile ability to take the mickey out of any male…anywhere…anytime.
Your favourite revolutionary rebuttal shout is, “Oh, come off it!” People love you for that.
You find delicious sarcasm is its own reward and works wonders on the complexion.
Portrait of Artist Sofonisba Anguissola, Sicily, 1624.
III. THE TEACHER
This is a time for upending the juvenile logic of mastery, so speak simple Kindergarten.
Your strictures disarm all who feign injury, gaslight, limp, ridicule, flirt, opine or whimper.
You’ll have no trouble finding muscularly furious women to set behemoths straight.
Once you’ve destroyed every rape camp together, do enjoy a nice tea with cakes.
Judith Slaying Holofernes, Artemesia Gentileschi, Florence, 1620.
IV. THE BUILDERS
You redesign pretentious condos into cabins filled with hilariously witty flash mobs.
Dismantling phallic skyscrapers, you brick together thousands of delectable day spas.
To do that, you join hands with other women to create inviting aerodynamic rotundas.
Bring your calibrators wherever you go now because you’ll need to improvise and grin.
Illustration from Christine Pizan’s Le Livre de la Cité des Dames (The Book of the City of Ladies), 1405, France. Artist unknown.
V. THE STRATEGIST
Now is the time for reflection on your next explosive metamorphosis.
Your current delicious solitude will percolate many more ingenious shakedowns.
Enjoy periods of luscious productive silence after each emancipatory refinement.
Pause to replenish and plan many succulent dance parties.
The Sleeping Lady, Neolithic sculpture from the Hal Seflieni Hypogeum, Malta, ca. 2000 BC.
VI. THE ARTIST
You cease male-oriented pattern-making in favour of imagining ocean-deep insights.
You discover the rewards of watching autonomous women artists invent the interesting.
Rebuff spiteful spewing like: “Men suffer too you know!” or “Women artists took all the good issues!”
Your new authoritative dance asserts global gynarchy and you perform lovely rituals.
Female Figure, Pre-dynastic sculpture from Nagada, Egypt, ca. 3450 BC
VII. THE EDITOR
Matching prints of many women’s hands, you will expunge the myth that they weren’t.
Persevere until history reinstates that (forever) sensuous women have been geniuses.
You will speak with matriarchal millennia of telepathic voices enjoining them to persist.
Since your labours will ensure women’s evidence is re-instituted as fact, celebrate!
Cave of the Hands, Argentina. Palaeolithic painting
Bev Pike 